Unit 1: Introduction; principles of effective writing（学术写作）

这是一门来自埃米编辑 (AiMi Editor)的《SCI 论文写作视频课程》的详细学习笔记。该公开课程的原英文名称是《Writing in the sciences》 on Coursera，共六个单元，由来自斯坦福大学 (Stanford University) 的 Dr. Kristin Sainani 老师主讲。

1.1 Introduction

首先，我们先来问一个问题：

What makes good writing?

怎样才能写出好文章？

1. Good writing communicates an idea clearly and effectively.

   好的写作需要清晰有效地传达一个想法

   显然这很重要，因为科学写作的重点是把你的研究成果传达给其他科学家，政策制定者，有时甚至对公众。要点总结如下：

作为一个合格的科学研究者，这一部分显然应该是容易做到的。还有另一个优秀的写作要素：

2. Good writing is elegant and stylish.

   好的写作的文字很漂亮，文雅时尚。

   要注意的是，这是人们通常实际写作过程中会担心的部分，花了太多时间关注这一部分，以至于忘记了只是想把他们的想法清楚有效地表达出来，这会导致写作中的各种问题。要点总结如下：

综上，当你写初稿的时候，只需担心以一种清晰、合乎逻辑和高效的方式传达这个想法。

What makes a good writer?

究竟是什么造就了一个好作家呢？

以下是人们对于这个问题的一些常见的误解和迷思：

• Inborn talent？需要天生的天赋？
• Years of English and humanities classes? 需要花好几年的时间在英语和人文学科上？
• An artistic nature? 需要某种艺术性？
• The influence of alcohol and drugs? 需要收到酒精和毒品的影响？
• Divine inspiration? 需要某种神圣的灵感？

事实上，Sainani 老师讲以下要素才是一个好作家所需要的：

• Having something to say. (你需要说些什么)

  你需要有一些你对它充满激情的东西去表达出来，要搞清楚自己想要说什么。

• Logical thinking. (清晰逻辑的思考)

  你必须能够以合乎逻辑的方式提出你的论点，尤其是在科学写作中。

  显然，这对于科学家来说，并不困难。

• A few simple, learnable rules of style (the tools you’ll learn in this class)

  一些简单的可习得的写作风格规则。

Sainani 老师尤为强调的是：

Steps to becoming a better writer

In addition to taking this class, other things you can do to become a better writer:

• Read, pay attention, and imitate.

  要多阅读，注意留意专业作家的写作方式和技巧，并尝试模仿它们。

  阅读是学习成为一个更好的作家的好办法。多阅读专业优秀的作品，如杂志和非小说类书籍，不一定是科学文献。 注意专业作家的写作方式和使用的一些技巧，并尝试模仿它们。总之，就是在科学文献之外尽可能多地阅读。

• Write in a journal.

  写日记。

  写作时一种技能，你练习的越多，你会变得越好。如果你有一点时间，在每一天的开始或结束时，试着写日记。不管是老式日记还是电子日记，试着多花几分钟时间来练习一些学到的写作技巧。

  我计划在 Medium 上开博写日记！

• Let go of “academic” writing habits (deprogramming step!)

  放弃在学术界呆的太久可能养成的一些坏习惯（去编程阶段）

• Talk about your research before trying to write about it.

  写你的研究之前，先把你的研究说出来。

  在坐下来写你的研究之前，最好的建议是向某个人，一个不一定在你的学科范围内的朋友，说出来。通常，当我们谈论我们的研究时，我们会用更对话的语调和更简单的术语来表达。事实上，这比我们坐下来写作的时候更能表达我们的想法。

• Write to engage your readers —— try not to bore them!

  当你坐下来写手稿时，能积极尝试不要让读者感到厌烦。

  你自己阅读文献也有感到害怕和很乏味的经历，文章可能很难被读懂而变得枯燥。其实，可以用一种更有趣、更生动和有趣的方式来写作。

• Stop warting for “inspiration”.

  停止等待灵感。

  这就是一种拖延症罢了。不要矫情！立马坐下来写！

• Accept that writing is hard for everyone.

  要意识到写作对每个人都很难。

  即使是专业作家，也是如此的。

• Revise. Nobody gets it perfect on the first try.

  要重视修改和校对。没有人第一次初稿就能写的很好。

  很多科学家没有花足够的时间进行修改，即使真的很担心初稿，并试图把它写得完美，但是没有给修改和校对以足够的权重。要快速的先写出来，然后把重点都放在修改上。优雅的部分就是在修订版上出现的，不是初稿上。

• Learn how to cut ruthlessly. Never become too attached to your words.

  学会如何无情地删减。不要过于依恋自己的话。

  你必须学会如何做一个无情的编辑。

• Find a good editor!

  找一个好的编辑！

  身边的任何人，只要他们愿意，都可以成为好的编辑。最好是你学科之外的人，他们可以看你的工作，给出一些反馈，告诉你它是不是写在他们能理解的水平上。如果无聊的话，告诉你哪里很混乱。

• Take risks.

  在写作中冒险。

  去写些有趣的东西，放一些挑衅的（provocative）东西。作为一名作家，要冒点险找到自己的声音。

1.2 Examples of what not to do

如下是一些具体的例子，是科学文献的代表，也是反例。

Case 1

This was the first sentence of an article in the Journal of Clinical Oncology (Introduction section):

“Adoptive cell transfer (ACT) immunotherapy is based on the ex vivo selection of tumor-reactive Iymphocytes, and their activation and numerical expression before reinfusion to the autologous tumor-bearing host.”

上面👆这句话好难读的。对读者太不友好。如何判断某句话是否容易理解呢？

• Ask Yourself:

  • Is this sentence easy to understand?

    这句话容易理解吗？

  • Is this sentence enjoyable and interesting to read?

    这句话读起来有趣嘛？

上面例子用了笨重名词（加粗的单词），这在学术写作中非常普遍，但它使文字难以阅读。

要记住：

Case 2

“These findings imply that the rates of ascorbate radical production and its recycling via dehydroascorbate reductatse to replenish the ascorbate pool are equivalent at the lower irradiance, but not equivalent at higher irradiance with the rate of ascorbate radical production exceeding its recycling back to ascorbate.” (from Photochemistry and Photobiology…)

• Ask Yourself:

  • Is this sentence readable?

    这句话可读吗？

  • Is it written to inform or to obscure?

    这写的是传递了信息还是晦涩了信息？（含糊其辞？装模作样？）

这个例子同样的问题，难读啊，笨重的名词是可以改为动词的，如下面修改后的例子：

“These findings imply that, at low irradiation, ascorbate radicals are produced and recycled at the same rate, but at high irradiation, they are produced faster than they can be recycled back to ascorbate.”

这样就容易理解多了，而且可以知道作者想说的要点。而且上面句子长度还变短了。

Themes of this course

• Complex ideas don’t require complex language.

  即使我们写的是关于科学的，复杂的和技术上的东西，但并不意味着我们必须使用复杂的语言。及使用简单的语言，我们也可以表达复杂和技术的思想。

• Scientific writing should be easy and even enjoyable to read!

  我们的目标是写一些容易理解的东西，以及对读者来说是愉悦的。

Sainani 老师进一步价值观输出：

“My professor friend told me that in his academic world, ‘publish or perish’ is really true. He doesn’t care if nobody reads it or understands it as long as it’s published.”

From: Anne Ku. “The joys and pains of writing and editing,” Le Bon Journal, 2003

http://www.bonjournal.com/volume2/issue1writing.pdf

由于有出版的压力，你写作时候会不在乎你的工作是否有人读，这对科学发展的目标是不好的，是不对的。要在乎读者的阅读感受，这样才有可能读者了解到你文章中的想法，更有可能引用你的工作，也更有可能推动科学的发展。

1.3 Overview: Key principles of effective writing

One more example!

Dysregulation of physiologic microRNA (miR) activity has been shown to play an important role in tumor initiation and progression, including gliomagenesis. Therefore, molecular species that can regulate miR activity on their target RNAs without affecting the expression of relevant mature miRs may play equally relevant roles in cancer.

From an article in Cell.

这段是很难读的，必须努力弄清楚作者想说什么。

Dysregulation of physiologic microRNA (miR) activity has been shown to play an important role in tumor initiation and progression, including gliomagenesis. Therefore, molecular species that can regulate miR activity on their target RNAs without affecting the expression of relevant mature miRs may play equally relevant roles in cancer.

• Note the use of nouns instead of verbs .

  首先，可以看到有些名词是可以用动词表达的情况（下划线的单词）。要留意之前讲的要点：

• Note the use of vague words.

  这个句子还有一些含糊其辞的问题（加粗的单词），读者脑中难以画出作者所说的具体情况。这些含糊其辞的词没有任何补充说明。

• Note the use of unnecessary jargon and acronyms.

  还有句子中有不必要的行话和缩写词的情况（斜体的单词）。缩略语的问题在于，除非它们是标准术语，每个人都很熟悉，大多数读者不会知道你的缩写，读者不得不停下来查一下出处，减慢了读者的阅读速度。

• Note the passive voice.

  使用被动语态（粗斜体的部分）很难读懂，因为它不是我们说话的方式。

• Note the distance between the subject and the main verb of this sentence.

  Dysregulation of physiologic microRNA (miR) activity has been shown to play an important role in tumor initiation and progression, including gliomagenesis. Therefore, molecular species that can regulate miR activity on their target RNAs without affecting the expression of relevant mature miRs may play equally relevant roles in cancer.

  主语和谓语之间的描述性定语太长，读者阅读的时候会等待谓语动词的出现。直到读者等到了你的动词，读者也还是不知道这句话的意思。所以句子的主语和谓语动词的距离太长了，也是个问题。

下面，我们来看一下 Sainani 老师是如何改写这个段落的（未必完全 recover 作者的意图）：

Changes in microRNA expression play a role in cancer, including glioma. Therefore, events that disrupt microRNAs from binding to their target RNAs may also promote cancer.

显然，这段话更短而且更容易理解，同时传达了相同的理解。

Principles of effective writing

1. Cut unnecessary words and phrases; learn to part with your words!

   删掉不必要的单词和短语，避免混乱！

2. Use the active voice (subject + verb + object)

   要用主动语态，而不是被动语态。

3. Write with verbs: use strong verbs, avoid turning verbs into nouns, and don’t bury the main verb!

   要用强动词，避免把动词变成名词，也不要把主谓语动词埋没了！

1.4 Cut the clutter

去除杂乱

这一讲，我们将了解到如何从写作中去除杂乱。Sainani 老师引用了下面来自威廉·津瑟的古典写作书籍《好好写》：

“The secret of good writing is to strip every sentence to its cleanest components. Every word that serves no function, every long word that could be a short word, every adverb that carries the same meaning that’s already in the verb, every passive construction that leaves the reader unsure of who is doing what —— these are the thousand and one adulterants that weaken the strength of a sentence. And they usually occur in proportion to the education and rank.”

—— William zinsser in On Writing Well, 1976

好的写作的秘诀是把每一个句子都剥得很干净。有一千零一种减弱句子力度的累赘物：每一个无用的词，每一个可被简化的词，每一个已由动词表达其义的副词，每一个要让读者猜测施动者的被动结构。地位和文化水平越高的，越容易犯那些个毛病。

——威廉·津瑟 《好好写》，1976

这是本很不错的书，如果有时间的话就读读看。

Example 1

“This paper provides a review of the basic tenets of cancer biology study design, using as examples studies that illustrate the methodologic challenges or that demonstrate successful solutions to the difficulties inherent in biological research.”

这一部分 Sainani 老师讲的超级细，我来一点一点的解释：

• This paper provides a review of : review 是一个有趣的动词，但是当无聊的名词用了，还要配上无聊的动词 provides。直接写：The paper reviews 多好？
• of the basic tenets of：这是个含糊不清的词组。它不会给读者增加任何东西，也并不能帮助读者理解这里发生了什么。所以果断删掉。
• using as examples studies that illustrate ：“举例说明”，这句话说的好尴尬😓。examples 的含义和 studies 是一模一样的，二者重复了。所以放弃 studies，改写为：using examples that illustrate。
• methodologic challenges：methodologic “方法论上讲” 这个又是模棱两可的词。这太宽泛，对读者来说毫无意义。前文已经说了我们在讨论研究设计，所以"方法论"是隐含的。所以直接删掉 methodologic。
• demonstrate 和 illustrate 的含义是相同的。作者可能是为了避免重复而特意取了一个同义词在这里，但是没有必要的，因为在这里是不需要这个词的第二个实例的。在这里的情况下，illustrate 这个词可以延续到 challenges 和 solutions 的。所以可以写成：illustrate both challenges and solutions。
• successful 这个词被删掉了，这是因为不存在不成功的 solution啦，这个词含义已经在 solution 里了。
• to the difficulties inherent in biological research：这里还是重复了，因为上文已经说了 challenges 那么自然就是 difficulties 了。这里可能是作者又自己 YY 出来的一个避免重复的同义词在作祟。同时，inherent in biological research 这部分其实是不必要的，并不会增加任何实质信息和内容，因为前文我们知道一直都是在讨论生物学研究。所以，这句整个都删掉好了。

综上，我们有如下修改后的新例句：

This paper reviews cancer biology study design, using examples that illustrate specific challenges and solutions.

Example 2

“As it is well known, increased athletic activity has been related to a profile of lower cardiovascular risk, lower blood pressure levels, and improved muscular and cardio-respiratory performance.”

这一部分 Sainani 老师讲的超级细，我来一点一点的解释：

• As it is well known,：开头这句是一个你根本不需要的引言，这只是作者在一句话的开头清了清嗓子。如果你想表明某件事是众所周知的，只需要放上引文，在句尾加上参考文献。所以，果断删掉。
• has been related to：这部分在风格上，Sainani 老师更喜欢说 is associated with。
• a profile of 是一个模棱两可的词组，不添加任何信息，也不会失去任何东西。所以，果断删掉。
• lower cardiovascular risk, lower blood pressure levels：levels 这个词是没必要的，因为已经说了 lower blood pressure。所以，果断删掉。
• improved muscular and cardio-respiratory performance：“改善肌肉和心肺功能”，这是一个 fitness 的花哨说法。所以换成 fitness。

综上，我们有如下修改后的新例句：

Increased athletic activity is associated with lower cardiovascular risk, lower blood pressure, and improved fitness.

我们甚至也可以进一步地直接去表达为“我们有足够的证据表明…”：

Increased athletic activity lowers cardiovascular risk and blood pressure, and improves fitness. (stronger level of evidence)

当然，上面这句是需要更强的证据 evidence 才行的，但是我们基本可以这么自信地说。

Example 3

“The experimental demonstration is the first of its kind and is a proof of principle for the concept of laser driven particle acceleration in a structure loaded vacuum.”

这一部分 Sainani 老师讲的超级细，我来一点一点的解释：

• The experimental demonstration：这里说的“实验演示”，可以直接说是“实验” experiment。所以，替换为 The experiment。
• is the first of its kind and is a proof of principle：这句话很诡异，有两个 is。这是无聊的动词，我们可以在里面放一个更好的动词。再来就是，first of its kind 和 a proof of principle 是重复的，基本上是同样的事情。所以，可以浓缩为：provides the first proof of principle。
• the concept of：这是个额外的不必要的词。

综上，我们有如下修改后的新例句：

The experiment provides the first proof of principle of laser-driven particle acceleration in a structure-loaded vacuum.

Cut unnecessary words

要养成剪掉不必要的字的习惯。

Cutting extra words

再来个例子瞧瞧：

“Brain injury incidence shows two peak periods in almost all reports: rates are the highest in young people and the elderly.”

经过修剪后，我们可以得到更加有力量感的表达：

“Brain injury incidence peaks in the young and the elderly.”

Common clutter

下面是一些你应该注意的杂乱性的常见来源：

1. Dead weight words and phrases (要死不活的一些词组和说法)

   • As it is well known
   • As it has been shown
   • It can be regarded that
   • It should be emphasized that

   这些都是作者们清了清嗓子，它们可以全部删除，可以提供引文来证明它是众所周知的。

2. Empty words and phrases (没啥实意的单词和说法)

   • basic tenets of
   • methodologic
   • important

   这些字眼没有添加任何内容，因为它们是如此的含糊其辞和空洞不已。正如威廉·津瑟说过的：

   “Some words and phrases are blobs.” （有些单词和搭配，简直就是屎。）

   —— William Zinsser in On Writing Well, 1976

3. Long words or phrases that could be short (可以换作短单词的长单词和短语)

   • muscular and cardio-respiratory performance

4. Unnecessary jargon and acronyms (不必要的行话和缩写词)

   • muscular and cardiorespiratory performance
   • Gliomagenesis
   • miR

   我们希望避免使用缩写词，除非它们是完全标准的，而且在科学界享有盛名。

5. Repetitive words or phrases (重复的单词或说法)

   • studies/examples
   • illustrate/demonstrate
   • challenges/difficulties
   • successful solutions

   要消除任何额外的重复。

6. Adverbs (一些副词)

   • very, really, quite, basically, generally, etc.

   在邮件和初稿中，这些副词很常见，因为平日口语中很习惯使用，但是在写作中，请把它们都拿出来，因为它们几乎从来没有什么用，它们只是你句子中的多余部分。

   你并不会通过添加了副词，而使你的想法和陈述更有力。 事实上，还会起到反效果。

Long words and phrases that could be short…

下面是一些可以变短的长单词和短语的例子：

More examples

• Long words and phrases that could be short…

  The expected prevalence of mental retardation, based on the assumption that intelligence is normally distributed, is about $2.5 %$.

  The expected prevalence of mental retardation, if intelligence is normally distributed, is $2.5 %$.

• Repetitive words or clauses

  A robust cell-mediated immune response is necessary, and deficiency in this response predisposes an individual towards active TB.

  Deficiency in T-cell-mediated immune response predisposes an individual to active TB.

Summary

Sainani 老师继续输出价值观，她引用到：

• Blaise Pascal on the elegance in brevity:

  “I have only made this letter rather long because I have not had time to make it shorter.” ("Je n’ai fait celle-ci plus longue que parceque je n’ai pas eu le loisir de la faire plus courte.")

  —— Lettres provinciales, 16, Dec.14,1656 (though reference also attributed to St. Augustine, and Cicero….

过去的你可能养成了“多写字充数”的坏习惯，现在要改掉这个习惯，学会把不必要的东西都删掉，把重点放在关键的思想上。当你用最少的语言表达你的想法时，你的写作更具有可读性、吸引力和力量感。

1.5 Cut the clutter, more tricks

A few other small tricks…

Eliminate negatives

消除 negative 结构的句子

举例：

She was not often right.

She was usually wrong.

每当你在写作中遇到 not 时，看看你能不能把这个句子变成 positive。一般来说是总能做到的。当你使用 positive 的结构时，通常会更清楚。

再来几个例子：

She did not want to perform the experiment incorrectly.

She wanted to perform the experiment correctly.

They did not believe the drug was harmful.

They believed the drug was safe.

这似乎很简单，找到要否定的反义词就行了，比如说：

Eliminate superfluous uses of “there are/there is”

来个例子体会一般：

There are many ways in which we can arrange the pulleys.

We can arrange the pulleys in many ways.

看上去好像 There are 好像其实很必要的，但还是有更精炼的说法。

来看看另一个例子：

There was a long line of bacteria on the plate.

Bacteria lined the plate.

没想到吧，这里的 There was 居然也可以被精简掉！继续上例子：

There are many physicists who like to write.

Many physicists who like to write.

这里的 There are 是可以直接删掉的，完全不违和。类似的例子还有：

The data confirm that there is an association between vegetables and cancer. The data confirm an association between vegetables and cancer.

Omit needless prepositions

摆脱不必要的介词

For example, “that” and “on” are often superfluous: (通常像 that 和 on 这样的介词是完全不必要的)

The meeting happened on Monday.

The meeting happened Monday.

They agreed that it was true. They agreed it was true.

1.6 Practice cutting clutter

更多的例子来了：

Anti-inflammatory drugs may be protective for the occurrence of Alzheimer’s Disease.

Anti-inflammatory drugs may protect against Alzheimer’s Disease.

Clinical seizures have been estimated to occur in $0.5 %$ to $2.3 %$ of the neonatal population.

Clinical seizures occur in $0.5 %$ to $2.3 %$ of newborns.

Ultimately $\mathrm{p} 53$ guards not only against malignant transformation but also plays a role in developmental processes as diverse as aging, differentiation, and fertility.

Besides preventing cancer, $\mathrm{p} 53$ also plays roles in aging, differentiation, and fertility.

Injuries to the brain and spinal cord have long been known to bè among the most devastating and expensive of all injuries to treat medically.

Injuries to the brain and spinal cord are among the most devastating and expensive.

An IQ test measures an individual’s abilities to perform functions that usually fall in the domains of verbal communication, reasoning, and performance on tasks that represent motor and spatial capabilities.

An IQ test measures an individual’s verbal, reasoning, or motor and spatial abilities.

As we can see from Figure $2,$ if the return kinetic energy is less than $3.2 \mathrm{U}_{\mathrm{p}},$ there will be two electron trajectories associated with this kinetic energy.

Figure 2 shows that a return kinetic energy less than $3.2 \mathrm{U}_{\mathrm{p}}$ yields two electron trajectories.

1.7 Demo Edit 1

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