Unit 2: Verbs（学术写作）

这是一门来自埃米编辑 (AiMi Editor)的《SCI 论文写作视频课程》的详细学习笔记。该公开课程的原英文名称是《Writing in the sciences》 on Coursera，共六个单元，由来自斯坦福大学 (Stanford University) 的 Dr. Kristin Sainani 老师主讲。

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上一个单元讲了有效写作的三个关键原则，并且着重谈到了第一个原则是如何从你的草稿中删掉杂乱的部分，本单元将会谈后两个原则，都与动词有关。

教你如何在写作中使用主动语态，以及如何用动词写作，这意味着要使用强动词，避免把动词变成名称，保持句子的主题，主谓语动词在句子中首尾紧密相连。

2.1 Use the active voice

What is the active voice?

究竟什么是主动语态呢？

主动语态的格式为主语+动词+宾语（subject+verb+object），就和平常说话是一样的，比方说：

She throws the ball.

Martha will drive the car.

The president made mistakes.

主语是动作的“代理人”，而动作的“接受者”就是宾语。被动语态会使结构倒转，如下：

The ball is thrown by her.

The car will be driven by Matha.

Mistakes were made by the President.

Recognizing a passive verb

如何识别被动语态呢？

• Passive verb = a form of the verb “to be” + the past participle of the main verb
• The main verb must be a transitive verb (that is, take an object).

这个部分很简单，不用多说~

• “to be” verbs:

  Is	could be
  Are	shall be
  Was	should be
  Were	will be
  Be	would be
  Been	may be
  Am	might be
  	must be
  	has been

Example: passive voice

My first visit to Boston will always be remembered by me.

• My first visit to Boston: Recipient of the action
• remembered: Verb
• me: Agent of the action

Active:

I will always remember my first visit to Boston.

再换个例子：

She is loved.

• She: The recipient of the love.

• is: Form of “to be”

• loved: Past participle of a transitive verb: to love (direct object).

• Example: passive voice

  Cigarette ads were designed to appeal especially to children.

  Active:

  We designed the cigarette ads to appeal especially to children.

  • We: Responsible party!

Passive vs. active voice

要把被动语态转换为主动语态，不妨尝试问自己：

要搞清楚行为是谁做的，行为又作用在了谁上？

• Use active voice

  Passive:

  By applying a high resolution, 90 degree bending magnet downstream of the laser electron interaction region, the spectrum of the electron beams could be observed.

  我们知道上面例子中下划线处是观察到了什么，但不知道是谁做的。我们需要加个代理人作主语，表示谁做的观察。比方说代理人就是这句话的作者。可以改成如下句子：

  Active:

  We could observe the spectrum of the electron beams by applying a high resolution, 90 degree bending magnet downstream of the laser electron interaction region.

  再来个例子：

  Passive:

  Increased promoter occupancy and transcriptional activation of $\mathrm{p} 21$ and other target genes were observed.

  Active: We observed increased promoter occupancy and transcriptional activation of $\mathrm{p} 21$ and other target genes.

  再再来个例子：

  Passive: The activation of Ca++ channels is induced by the depletion of endoplasmic reticulum Ca++ stores.

  钙通道的激活是有内质网钙储存耗尽引起的。

  Active: Depleting Ca++ from the endoplasmic reticulum activates Ca++ channels.

  激活消耗血浆网末端的钙激活钙通道。

  可以看到，上面的例子同时也对句子中的词进行了缩减，去掉的多余的单词。

  再再来个例子：

  Passive:

  Additionally, it was found that pre-treatment with antibiotics increased the number of super-shedders, while immunosuppression did not.

  Active:

  Pre-treating the mice with antibiotics increased the number of super-shedders while immunosuppresion did not.

  用抗生素处理小鼠增加了超脱壳的数量，而免疫抑制没有。

Advanteges of the active voice

下面我们分别举例子来说明：

• Emphasizes author responsibility

  No attempt was made to contact nonresponders because they were deemed unimportant to the analysis. (passive)

  We did not attempt to contact nonresponders because we deemed them unimportant to the analysis. (active)

  我们没有试图联系非响应者，因为我们认为它们对分析不重要。

• Improves readability

  A strong correlation was found between use of the passive voice and other sins of writing. (passive)

  We found a strong correlation between use of the passive voice and other sins of writing. (active)

  我们发现被动语态的使用与写作的其他罪恶之间有很强的相关性。

  Use of the passive voice strongly correlated with other sins of writing. (active)

  被动语态与写作中的其他罪过密切相关。

• Reduces ambiguity

  General dysfunction of the immune system at the leukocyte level is suggested by both animal and human studies. (passive)

  免疫系统的一般功能障碍，在白细胞水清由动物和人类研究提出。

  这里不清楚到底谁有免疫功能障碍。不得不加个词：“糖尿病”：

  Both human and animal studies suggest that diabetics have general immune dysfunction at the leukocyte level. (active)

  人类和动物的研究都表明糖尿病患者在白细胞水平上有普遍的免疫功能障碍。

Is it ever OK to use the passive voice?

被动语态难道就该斩尽杀绝嘛？当然不！

• Yes! The passive voice exists in the English language for a reason. Just use it sparingly and purposefully.

  要想用被动语态，一定是有一个好的理由的，不应该只是出于习惯而使用它。你需要有目的地谨慎地使用它。

  • For example, passive voice may be appropriate in the methods section where what was done is more important than who did it.

    使用被动语态可以在一篇论文的方法论部分中。在方法部分中，做了什么行为，该动词的接受者比谁做更重要。被动语态在这一部分用起来会很好，因为它强调了完成的部分。

    另外，方法部分通常比较冗长，不那么生动，看得很细的人并不多。

• 总之，Sainani 老师强烈建议：仅方法部分可以用被动语态，但是引言、讨论和总结部分，一定要用主动语态。

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2.2 Is it really OK to use “We” and “I”?

使用“人称代词”到底行么？

Yes, It’s OK!

当然可以！有如下三个原因：

1. The active voice is livelier and easier to read.

   为了使用主动语态，你通常得用到我或我们，这样主动语态更加鲜活，而且更容易阅读。是一种更清晰更吸引人的写作方式。

2. Avoiding personal pronouns does not make your science more objective.

   去掉人称代词并不会使你的写作体现出更多的客观性。

3. By agreeing to be an author on the paper, you are taking responsibility for its content. Thus, you should also claim respónsibility for the assertions in the text by using “we” or “I.”

   当你把自己的名字写在文章上的时候，你要对它的内容承担公众责任。所以，你应该铜鼓哦使用“我们”或“我”来主动要求为自己的断言（claim）承担责任。

Avoiding personal pronouns does not led objectivity

一些迷思：

You/your team designed, conducted, and interpreted the experiments. To imply otherwise is misleading.

你和你的团队设计、指导和解释了这些实验，以一种实验已经发生的方式进行写作是一种误导。

The experiments and analysis did not materialize out of thin air!

实验和分析并不会凭空实现的。

The goal is to be more objective, not to appear more objective.

目标是更加客观的呈现事实，而不是使科学更加主观。

Sainani 老师开始持续输出价值观：

“After all, human agents are responsible for designing experiments, and they are present in the laboratory; writing awkward phrases to avoid admitting their responsibility and their presence is an odd way of being objective.”

Jane J. Robinson, Science 7 June 1957: 1160 .

好吧，即使你不相信上述的原因，这里有一个非常实际原因：期刊编辑要求你这样做！

Journals want this!

The style guidelines for many journals explicitly instruct authors to write in the active voice.

期刊编辑认识到主动语态更容易阅读，像是读日记的体验。所以许多期刊的风格指南都明确地告诉你要用主动语态写作。

For example, Science magazine advises:

“Use active voice when suitable, particularly when necessary for correct syntax (e.g., “To address this possibility, we constructed a $\lambda$Zap library …).”

在适当的时候， 特别是必要的时候，请在正确的语法下使用主动语态。

http://www.sciencemag.org/site/feature/contribinfo/prep/res/style.xhtml

Great authors use “we” and “I”!

Watson and Crick’s celebrated 1953 paper in Nature begins:

We wish to suggest a structure for the salt of deoxyribose nucleic acid (D.N.A.).”

http://www.exploratorium.edu/origins/coldsprinq/printit.htm

上面这篇论文本身在写作方面也是相当引人注目，有空的话要读读，注意一下他们的写作风格和技巧。

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2.3 Active voice practice

Passive:

A recommendation was made by the DSMB committee that the study be halted.

Active

The DSMB committee recommended that the study be halted.

Passive:

Major differences in the reaction times of the two study subjects were found.

Active:

We observed major differences in the reaction times of the two study subjects.

The two study subjects differed in reaction times.

Passive:

It was concluded by the editors that the data had been falsified by the authors.

Active:

The editors concluded that the authors falsified their data.

Passive:

The first visible-light snapshot of a planet circling another star has been taken by NASA’s Hubble Space Telescope.

Active:

NASA’s Hubble Space Telescope has taken the first visible-light snapshot of a planet circling another star.

Passive:

Therefore, the hypothesis that the overall kinetics of a double transtibial amputee athlete and ana able-bodied sprinter at the same level of performance are not differnet was rejected.

Therefore, we rejected the hypothesis that the overall kinetics of a double transtibial amputee athlete and an able-bodied sprinter at the same level of performance are comparable.

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2.4 Write with verbs

关于用动词来写作，有如下三个主要原则：

下面，我们来分别谈谈看：

Use strong verbs

Verbs make sentences go!

动词使句子通顺！

来举个例子：

“Loud music came from speakers embedded in the walls, and the entire arena moved as the hungry crowd got to its feet.”

响亮的音乐来自嵌在墙上的扬声器，当饥饿的人群站起来时，整个竞技场都在移动。

多好的句子，它很有描述性，不断前进的吸引着读者。

再看看下面这个原版的句子：

“Loud music exploded from speakers embedded in the walls, and the entire arena shook as the hungry crowd leaped to its feet.”

Bringing Down the House, Ben Mezrich

你可以看到那些富有表现力的活拨的伟大动词是如何使句子如此生动的。它把读者吸引进来，它使句子栩栩如生。当然，学术写作未必会有机会用到这种呈现夸张的词，但是我们也可以用动词表现得比用无聊的动词更好。

• Pick the right verb!

  要用对词！

  举个栗子：

  The WHO reports that approximately two-thirds of the world’s diabetics are found in developing countries, and estimates that the number of diabetics in these countries will double in the next 25 year.

  世卫组织报告说大约三分之二世界上的糖尿病患者在有发展中国家被发现，并且估计这些国家的糖尿病患者人数将在未来 25 年翻一番。

  上面句子还挺不错的，两个动词用的中规中矩，其中report 这个词后面还有个副词 approximately，这也是应该避免的。下面可以改得更好：

  The WHO estimates that two-thirds of the world’s diabetics are found in developing countries, and projects that the number of diabetics in these countries will double in the next 25 years.

  project 这个词既可以避免上一个动词的重复，也可以很好的描绘对未来的估计。

  Sainani 老师建议可以使用同义词库来帮助你找到可以替换的动词。

• Use “to be” verbs purposefully and sparingly.

  Is, are, was, were, be, been ,am …

  上面的助动词在科学写作中被过度使用，而且很无聊。有时你必须用助动词时，你不用回避它们，但它们也不应该是你论文中的主要动词。

Don’t turn verbs into nouns

• Don’t kill verbs by turning them into nouns.

  把动词变成名词的问题，这是一个在学术写作中根深蒂固的坏习惯。

举个栗子：

During DNA damage, recognition of H3K4me3 by ING2 results in recruitment of Sin3/HDAC and repression of cell proliferation genes.

上面句子中的下划线名词都会拖累读者的阅读速度和阅读体验，让读者很难跟踪发生的事情。但这句不好改，因为没有足够的信息来正确地编辑。补充信息后，可以如下修改：

During DNA damage, H3K4me3 recruits ING2 and sin3/HDAC, which together repress cell proliferation .

由此可见，再一次说明了要确切的说清楚：谁对谁做了什么

Say exactly who does what to whom!

在学术写作中，我们经常做的另一件事是：我们想到了一个很好的时髦动词，却把它变成了一个无聊的名词，并配上一个无聊的动词，比如下面的例子：

Obtain estimates of $\rightarrow$ estimate

Has seen an expansion in $\rightarrow$ has expanded

Provides a methodologic emphasis $\rightarrow$ emphasizes methodology

Take an assessment of $\rightarrow$ assess

Privede a review of $\rightarrow$ review

Offer confirmation of $\rightarrow$ confirm

Make a decision $\rightarrow$ decide

Shows a peak $\rightarrow$ peaks

Provides a description of $\rightarrow$ describe

Don’t bury the main verb

不要把主谓语动词掩盖住

Keep the subject and main verb (predicate) close together at the start of the sentence…

要确保主语的主动词在句首附近。

• Readers are waiting for the verb!

  读者在等待你的动词啊！

The case of the buried predicate…. 来个糟糕的例子体会下：

One study of 930 adults with multiple sclerosis (MS) receiving care in one of two managed care settings or in a fee-for-service setting found that only two-thirds of those needing to contact a neurologist for an MSrelated problem in the prior 6 months had done so (Vickrey et al 1999).

可以如下解决上面这个句子：

One study found that, of 930 adults with multiple sclerosis (MS) who were receiving care in one of two managed care settings or in a fee-for-service setting, only two-thirds of those needing to contact a neurologist for an MS-related problem in the prior six months had done so (Vickrey et al 1999).

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2.5 Practice examples

来看例句：

“The fear expressed by some teachers that students would not learn statistics well if they were permitted to use canned computer programs has not been realized in our experience. A careful monitoring of achievement levels before and after the introduction of computers in the teaching of our course revealed no appreciable change in students’ performances.”

• 第一个句子中，主语是 fear，主语动词是 as not been realized，还是被动动词。第二个句子中，主语是 monitoring，可以考虑动词化它为 to monitor，主语动词是无聊的 revealed。
• 第一个句子中还有两个 not 构成的 negative 结构，听上去很尴尬，应该果断删掉，转换为 positive 结构。
• 第二个句子中 appreciable 是一个限定词(hedge word)，非常模棱两可。

Many teachers feared that the use of canned computer programs would prevent students from learning statistics. We monitored student achievement levels before and after the introduction of computers in our course and found no detriments in performance.

再来个例子：

“Review of each center’s progress in recruitment is important to ensure that the cost involved in maintaining each center’s participation is worthwhile.”

• 主语是 Review，可以动词化。有两个 is 这种 to be 结构应该转换为主动结构。
• 存在一些非常空的和模糊的描述词汇，如 important, worthwhile。要具体点。
• 还有一些非常笨拙的短语，如 involved in maintaining，很尴尬。

We should review each center’s recruitment progress to make sure its continued participation is cost-effective.

再再来个例子：

“It should be emphasized that these proportions generally are not the result of significant increases in moderate and severe injuries, but in many instances reflect mildly injured persons not being seen at a hospital.”

• 首先是所谓“清嗓子” (dead weight) 的短语：It should be emphasized that，删掉。写在文章中的都是强调的。
• these proportions 这个需要换成更具象的形容词会好一些。shift proportion 这次更好。
• generally 副词要删掉。
• 冗长的词：the result of 和 in many instances 换成 due to 和 often。
• 有两个 not，要改用 positive 结构。
• being seen 这个尴尬的 to be 结构也要改。

Shifting proportions in injury severity may reflect stricter hospital admission criteria rather than true increases in moderate and severe injuries.

再再再来个例子：

Important studies to examine the descriptive epidemiology of autism, including the prevalence and changes in the characteristics of the population over time, have begun.

• 首先，主语和谓语动词之间的距离太远了。主语是 studies 而句末 begun 才出现。
• 要主要含糊不清的字眼。比如说 important。
• 多余的描述：over time，因为不能进行不随时间变化的更改。
• 最后，of the population 这种说法是相当模糊的，直接删掉。

Studies have begun to describe the epidemiology of autism, including recent changes in the disorder’s prevalence and characteristics.

再再再再来个例子：

There are multiple other mechanisms that are important, but most of them are suspected to only have a small impact or are only important because of impact on one of the three primary mechanisms.

• 首先 There are 应该删掉；important 也要换掉；are suspected to 这又是一个限定词，而且它还是被动语态。impact 名词可以换作动词。

Multiple other mechanisms play only a small role or work by impacting one of the three primary mechanisms.

再再再再再来个几个例子：

After rejecting paths with poor signal-tonoise ratios, we were left with 678 velocity measurements of waves with 7.5 seconds period and 891 measurements of 15 second waves.

Rejecting paths with poor signal-to-noise ratios left 678 velocity measurements of 7.5-second waves and 891 of 15-second waves.

It is suspected that the importance of temperature has more to do with impacting rates of other reactions than being a mechanism of disinfection itself since ponds are rarely hot enough for temperature alone to cause disinfection.

Ponds are rarely hot enough for temperature alone to cause disinfection; thus, the effect of temperature is likely mediated through its impact on the rates of other reactions.

It was assumed that due to reduced work at the joints of the lower limbs and less energy loss in the prosthetic leg, running with the dedicated prostheses allows for maximum sprinting at lower metabolic costs than in the healthy ankle joint complex.

（这是摘要的最后一句话）

The prosthetic leg reduces work and energy loss compared with a healthy ankle joint, which may lead to lower metabolic costs during maximum sprinting.

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2.6 A few grammar tips

“Data are” not “Data is” …

The word “data” is plural.

Data 这个词要当做复数哦。猪油在讨论一个数据点时才使用单数形式。

ex:

These data show an unusual trend.

The data support the conclusion.

The data are critical.

(v. datum, singular form)

Affect vs. effect

• Affect is the verb “to influence”

  The class affected her.

  • As a noun, affect denotes feeling or emotion shown by facial expression or body language, as in “The soldiers seen on television had been carefully chosen for blandness of affect” (Norman Mailer).

• Effect is the noun form of this influence

  The class had an effect on her.

  • As a verb, effect means to bring about or to cause, as in “to effect a change”

一般来说，一个动词一个名词就可以区分好。

但也有一些非常少见的例外，比如说在心理学里 affect 是指一种感觉，一种情绪或一种表达。effect 的动词形式，非常特殊的情况下使用，比如 someone effected a change，表示某人带来了改变。

With

• Compare to = to point out similarities between different things
• Compare with ** (used more often in science) $=$ to point out differences between similar things

ex:

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?” Brain tumors are relatively rare compared with more common cancers, such as those of the lung, breast, and prostate.

实际上 compared to 和 compared with 是不同的。前者是你想要指出不同事物之间的相似性，常有隐喻的含义。后者在科学文献中才是非常常用的。

That vs. which

• “That” is the restrictive (defining) pronoun

• “Which” is the nonrestrictive (non-defining) pronoun

That 一般用在当你有限制性的或者基本的从句时，which 是在非限制性或者非必要性从句时候适用。用逗号就可以简单区分。

What’s the difference between these two?

The vial that contained her RNA was lost.

The vial, which contained her RNA, was lost.

上面的第一句是在暗示有很多 vial，丢了的 vial 就是含有她的 RNA。第二句是只有一瓶大家都知道的 vial 丢了，含有着她的 RNA，删掉逗号之间部分内容不影响全句。

Example:

Other disorders which have been found to co-occur with diabetes include heart disease and foot problems.

上面的 which 要换掉！

• Key question: Is your clause essential or nonessential?

  关键问题是要问：你的从句到底是必要的还是非必要的？

  • THAT: The essential clause cannot be eliminated without changing the meaning of the sentence.
  • WHICH: The non-essential clause can be eliminated without altering the basic meaning of the sentence (and must be set off by commas).

Example：

The bike that is broken is in the garage. (Identifies which bike of many.)

The bike, which is broken, is in the garage. (Adds a fact about the only bike in question).

“Careful writers, watchful for small conveniences, go which-hunting, remove the defining whiches, and by doing so improve their work.”

——Strunk and White

From physicist Richard Feynman:

“When we say we are a pile of atoms, we do not mean we are merely a pile of atoms because a pile of atoms which is not repeated from one to the other might well have the possibilities which you see before you in the mirror.”

应该把上面的 which 换成 that。

Stroke incidence data are obtained from sources, which use the ICD (International code of Diseases) classification systems.

上面的 which 应该去掉逗号，用 that

Sigular antecedents

Do not use “they” or “their” when the subject is singular. To avoid gender choice, turn to a plura!!

当句子的主语是单数时，不要用 they 或 their。也要避免性别选择。

Each student worries about their grade. （Wrong）

Each student worries about her grade. （Not good）

Better:

All students worry about their grades.

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2.7 Demo Edit 2

（略）