Unit 3: Structure & Paragraphs（学术写作）

这是一门来自埃米编辑 (AiMi Editor)的《SCI 论文写作视频课程》的详细学习笔记。该公开课程的原英文名称是《Writing in the sciences》 on Coursera，共六个单元，由来自斯坦福大学 (Stanford University) 的 Dr. Kristin Sainani 老师主讲。

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经过之前的两个单元（Unit1 Unit2）讲解，本讲就会谈谈如何改善句子结构，以及如何逐步建立强有力的段落。

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3.1 Experiment with punctuation

首先，究竟如何使用一些关键的标点符号呢？

dash 破折号、colon 冒号、semicolon 分号、parenthesis 括号

Use them to vary sentence structure!

Sainani 老师在之前的课程中，一直在教如何从句子中去掉所有多余的单词，但这并不意味着是只希望你写简短的简单句子。通篇都是简短的简单句子是很单调，很无聊的。Sainani 老师鼓励我们的改变句子结构，写出来的句子有可能是简短的，但也还需要包括一些更长更复杂的句子。

如果只限于使用逗号和时态的话，多样化你的句子结构是困难的。为了使你的句子结构富有创造性和趣味性，以及复杂性，你就需要使用破折号、冒号、分号和括号。

• 例子：

  But what really grabbed me about the film is that it shows how humans-through our ingenuity, our commitment to fact and reason, and ultimately our faith in each other - can science the heck out of just about any problem.

  电影 (The Martian) 里真正吸引我的是它显示了人类——如何通过我们的创造力、我们对事实的承诺和理性、最终我们对彼此的信仰——使我们能从任何问题中解脱出来。

  https://www.wired.com/2016/10/president-obama-guest-edits-wired-essay/

  • 上面句子中把 science 当做动词来使用是很棒很可爱的。
  • 这个句子有一个复杂而引人注目的结构：破折号。你可以在破折号之间抛出一个额外的想法、列表或小道消息，或者在这样一个句子的中间插入描述就行。

• 例子：

  Original: Many types of cells and tissues develop a kind of directionality. Certain events happen toward one end of the cell or tissue or the other. It’s a phenomenon called cell polarity.

  组织中的许多类型的细胞会发展出一种方向性。某些事件朝着细胞或者组织的一个或另一个方向发展。这是一种叫做细胞极性的现象。（这三个句子有些单调和简单，都有着相同的结构）

  Using a colon: Many cells and tissues develop a kind of directionality called cell polarity: certain events happen toward one end of the cell or tissue.

  许多细胞和组织发展出一种方向性，叫做细胞极性：某些事件发展朝向细胞或组织的一端。（用冒号来给出极性的定义，句子更有趣，更有效，更优雅）

Increasing power to separate:

逐步强化分隔的方向：

Strunk and White, The Elements of Style

• Comma（逗号的分隔能力最小，停顿时间最短）
• Colon（冒号）
• Dash（破折号）
• Parentheses（括号用来把一些多余的东西塞进句子中）
• Semicolon（分号几乎是完全停止，因为它将两个相关的句子）
• Period（空白有着最强烈的分隔效应，因为这表示完全停止了）

Increasing formality:

逐步更加正式的方向：

Strunk and White, The Elements of Style

• Dash
• Parentheses
• The Others (Comma, Colon, Semicolon, Period)

这也就是为啥过去会有人不鼓励你使用破折号和括号，但其实可以使用貌似稍显不够正式的破折号和括号，这是因为稍微不那么正式也就意味着，你会更谨慎地使用它们，你不想做得太过分，比方说你不应该在每个句子中都有破折号或括号。

Semicolon

• The semicolon connects two independent clauses.

  分号是用来连接两个独立的句子（基本上是两个小句子）。

  (Note: a clause always contains a subject and predicate; an independent clause can stand alone as a complete sentence.)

  从句一般都包含有主语和谓语，即主语和谓语动词；一个独立的从句就可以表达一个完整的思想。

  Example:

  Kennedy could be a cold and vain man, and he led a life of privilege. But he knew something about the world; he also cared about it.

  肯尼迪可能是一个冷漠虚荣的人，他过着特权般的生活。但是他对这个世界有所了解，他也很关心这个世界。

  这个句子中的分号，换成逗号的话，会过分弱化 cared。换成句号的话，又会把 knew 和 cared 两个句子生生分隔开来。

  Example:

  It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.

  这是最好的时候；这也是最糟糕的时候。

  在上面的句子中，两个对立的观点用分号联系了起来。

• Semicolons are also used to separate items in lists that contain internal punctuation.

  分号还可以用来分隔列表中的项目，其中某项目里包含内部的标点符号时。

  Example:

  It happened because people organized and voted for better prospects; because leaders enacted smart, forward-looking policies; because people’s perspectives opened up, and with them, societies did too.

  这是因为人们组织并投票支持更好的前景；因为领导人制定了明智的，前瞻性的政策；因为人们的观点开放了，社会也开放了。

  注意到列表中的最后两项中有逗号，这就意味着你不能再使用逗号分隔列表中的项目，需要分号加以区别。

Parentheses

Parenthesis (parenthetical expression):

Use parentheses to insert an afterthought or explanation (a word, phrase, or sentence) into a passage that is grammatically complete without it.

括号用于插入事后思考，解释或者一些额外的细节。使用的关键是即使没有括号所呈现的材料，也要保证句子的语法是完整的。

• $\rightarrow$ If you remove the material within the parentheses, the main point of the sentence should not change.

  即使你完全去除这些括号中的材料，它也不应该改变句子的主旨。

• $\rightarrow$ Parentheses give the reader permission to skip over the material.

  如果读者愿意的话，他们是可以跳过括号内容部分的。

由此可见，括号里的内容是你可以输入的额外信息，或者是一个有趣但不重要的小道消息给读者。

• Example:

  They also have a specialized tail, kind of like a monkey’s tail, that allows them to cling to a piece of grass (or a lucky diver’s finger).

  (Deborah Netburn, Seahorses are some of the strangest fish in the sea. Can their genome tell us why?, LA Times)

• Example:

  This is troubling because, while there are plausible biological stories to connect red meat with cancer and heart disease, it seems unlikely that eating too much red meat could directly cause accidents and injuries. (Unless, as one of my students quipped, red meat eaters are swerving to avoid cows!)

Colon

Use a colon after an independent clause to introduce a list, quote, explanation, conclusion, or amplification.

冒号总是会出现在一个分句之后。这也就意味着在冒号之前出现的内容是必须同时有主语和谓语动词的。冒号是在介绍什么东西，可以介绍一个列表，一个引言，一个解释，一个结论或者一个扩展。

老师安利说：

“The colon has more effect than the comma, less power to separate than the semicolon, and more formality than the dash.” —— Strunk and White

斯特伦克和怀特说，冒号比逗号更有效，分隔的能力比分号要小，形式比破折号更正式。

• Example: (list or explanation)

  The hydrogen bonds are made as follows: purine position 1 to pyrimidine position 1 ; purine position 6 to pyrimidine position 6 .

  氢键的形成过程如下：从嘌呤位置 1 到嘧啶位置 1；从嘌呤位置 6 到嘧啶位置 6。

  From: “A structure for Deoxyribose Nucleic Acid’-Watson and Crick 1953

• Example: (explanation or amplification)

  That’s one reason why I’m so optimistic about the future: the constant churn of scientific progress.

  这就是我为什么对未来这么乐观：不断的科学进步。

  The woman suffers from lack of experience and a chronic Democratic disease: compound sentences.

  这个女人缺乏经验和慢性民主病：并列句。

  上面这个例子中，通过使用冒号，我们可以提高读者的预期。我们正在为他们准备一个“(笑话最后的)画龙点睛之句”(punchline)。

• Example: (quote, list of quotes)

  冒号还可以引入列表和引号。

  The “Ask not” line follows right after an exhortation modeled on Franklin Roosevelt’s “rendezvous with destiny”: “In the long history of the world, only a few generations have been granted the role of defending freedom in its hour of maximum danger. I do not shrink from this responsibility-I welcome it.” The note throughout is one of alarm: “The trumpet summons us again”; “the burden of a iong twilight struggle”; “that uncertain balance of terror.”

  要留意上面例句中的第二个句子里的冒号，接了三个例子。

  当对如何分享示例的时候，选三个例子往往是不错的。

  • NOTE: The “rule of three’s” for lists and examples.

    Example:

    It happened because people organized and voted for better prospects; because leaders enacted smart, forwardlooking policies; because people’s perspectives opened up, and with them, societies did too.

• Example: (to amplify or extend)

  Use a colon to join two independent clauses if the second amplifies or extends the first.

  如何你要用冒号来连接两个独立的从句，那么第二个独立的从句应该是在第一个从句的基础上进行扩展建立起来的。

  Companies use Marsh for the same reason that home sellers use real-estate agents: The agent’s knowledge and experience is supposed to help the client get the right deal at the right price.

  留意到冒号后的句子首字母是大写了的，为了让读者知道这是一个完整的句子。

• EXAMPLE, what not to do!:

  Two aspects of alcohol use are related to brain injuries: as a factor associated with risk of an injury such as a motor vehicle crash, and as a factor in TBI diagnosis, recovery, or survival after injury.

  $\rightarrow$

  Two aspects of alcohol use are related to brain injuries: its association with risk of injury, such as motor vehicle crash, and its post-injury influences on TBI diagnosis, recovery, or survival after injury.

  酒精的使用与脑损伤有关的两个方面：与损伤风险和损伤后对诊断，恢复和生存的影响。

  aspects 这次词是在暗示冒号后面是要罗列列表，所以冒号后面应该看到的是名词，而不是介词 as。

• EXAMPLE, what not to do!:

  In one project we have a nutritionist, a psychologist, statisticians, a computer specialist, and dietitians: a whole range of specialties.

  $\rightarrow$

  In one project we have a whole range of specialties: a nutritionist, a psychologist, statisticians, a computer specialist, and dietitians.

  冒号前后的内容颠倒了。

Dash

Use the dash to add emphasis or to insert an abrupt definition or description almost anywhere in the sentence. Just don’t overuse it, or it loses its impact.

这是老师最喜欢的标点符号：破折号。你可以用破折号来增加强调，或者插入突然的定义或描述。你基本上可以把任何你想要的东西放在句子中间，把它用破折号隔开，读者是买账的。不过不要过度使用破折号，因为毕竟这个标点符号和其他相比稍显不正式的。如果过度使用，就会失去它本该有的作用。

老师继续安利到：

“A dash is a mark of separation stronger than a comma, less formal than a colon, and more relaxed than parentheses."——Strunk and White

斯特伦克和怀特说，破折号是一个比逗号更强的分隔符号，不像冒号那么正式，但比括号要轻松。

“Use a dash only when a more common mark of punctuation seems inadequate."——Strunk and White

使用破折号的时机：只有当一个更常见的标点符号似乎不够用的时候。

i.e. Reserve this tool for the really tough jobs!

换句话说，遇到困难再打开此锦囊！

• Example

  But my fellow Americans, whatever mix of motives led us to create an Electoral College majority for Donald Trump to become President —— and overlook his lack of preparation, his record of indecent personal behavior, his madcap midnight tweeting, his casual lying about issues like “millions” of voters casting illegal votes in this election, the purveying of fake news by his national security advisor, his willingness to appoint climate change deniers without even getting a single briefing from the world’s greatest climate scientists in the government hell soon lead, and his cavalier dismissal of the C.I.A.’s conclusions about Russian hacking of our election —— have no doubt about one thing: We as a country have just done something incredibly reckless.

  但是我的美国同胞们，无论什么样交错复杂的动机导致了我们创造了唐纳德·特朗普成为选举团多数票下的美国总统——忽视了他缺乏准备，他的不良个人行为记录，他疯狂的午夜推特，关于他数百万个问题的随意谎言，在这次选举中投出非法选票的选民，关于他的国家安全顾问的假新闻，他认命气候委员会的…——毫无疑问说明了关于一件事：我们作为一个国家刚刚做了难以置信的鲁莽的事情。

  (Thomas Friedman, New York Times)

  这个例子说明了破折号有多神奇，读起来多么的顺畅。最后的冒号也很棒，把重点放在最后一个想法上。

  之前的课程中提到，不要让句子的主语和谓语动词之间的间隔太大，然而上面的句子是违反这个原则的。如果用破折号的话，这是没有关系的。因为读者是可以在破折号后面很明显的找到动词的，这就是传说中的例外了。

• Example: (emphasis)

  The drugs did more than prevent new fat accumulation. They also triggered overweight mice to shed significant amounts of fat——up to half their body weight.

  这些药物不仅能防止新的脂肪积累。它们还促使超重的老师大量减掉脂肪，高达他们体重的一半。

• Example: (emphasis and added information)

  Researchers who study shipworms say these mislabeled animals——they’re clams, not worms——are actually a scientific treasure.

  研究船虫的研究人员说，这些贴错标签的动物——它们是蛤，不是蠕虫——实际上是一种科学宝藏。

  上面的句子中解释了“贴错标签”是什么意思，并且强调了一个小事实。

What would happen if I used commas or parentheses rather than dashes in these two examples?

如果上面两个例子用的是括号而不是破折号呢？

Commas instead…

The drugs did more than prevent new fat accumulation. They also triggered overweight mice to shed significant amounts of fat, up to half their body weight. (loss of emphasis, more clunky)

Researchers who study shipworms say these mislabeled animals, they’re clams, not worms, are actually a scientific treasure. (commas aren’t strong enough to set off a clause)

Parentheses instead…

The drugs did more than prevent new fat accumulation. They also triggered overweight mice to shed significant amounts of fat (up to half their body weight). (buries the information)

Researchers who study shipworms say these mislabeled animals (they’re clams, not worms) are actually a scientific treasure. (buries the information)

老师强行安利了一波红袜队棒球。。。。终于给了如下的例子：

• Example

  Baseball is the only game that’s played every day, which is why its season often seems endless, right up to the inning and the out——the little toss over to first base——when, wow, it ends.

References/citations

• Strunk and White’s classic, The Elements of Style, http://www.bartleby.com/141/
• Examples from:
  • Barrack Obama, Watson & Crick, Dickens, Michael Tomasky, Deborah Netburn, Fareed Zakaria, James Suroweiki, Nathan Seppa, Louis Menand, Joe Klein, Roger Angell

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3.2 Practice, colon and dash

• Colon: Practice 冒号的练习

Evidence-based medicine teaches clinicians the practical application of clinical epidemiology, as needed to address specific problems of specific patients. It guides clinicians on how to find the best evidence relevant to a specific problem, how to assess the quality of that evidence, and perhaps most difficult, how to decide if the evidence applies to a specific patient.

循证医学教会临床医生实践临床流行病学的应用，根据需要解决特定患者的特定问题。它知道临床医生如何找到特定问题，如何评估证据的质量，也许是最困难的。如何确定证据是否适用于特定患者。

要注意的是，当你想要用同义词的时候问自己：我真的需要这个词的第二个实例么？其实可以不用重复，我们可以把这两个句子合并在一起。后句中的列表用冒号来引出更好。

Evidence-based medicine teaches clinicians the practical application of clinical epidemiology: how to find the best evidence relevant to a specific problem, how to assess the quality of that evidence, and how to decide if the evidence applies to a specific patient.

循证医学教会临床医生实际应用临床流行病学：如何发现….，如何评估…..和如何决定…..。

Evidence-based medicine teaches clinicians how to find the best evidence relevant to a specific problem, how to assess the quality of that evidence, and how to decide if the evidence applies to a specific patient.

• Dash：Practice 破折号的练习

Finally, the lessons of clinical epidemiology are not meant to be limited to academic physicianepidemiologists, who sometimes have more interest in analyzing data than caring for patients. Clinical epidemiology holds the promise of providing clinicians with the tools necessary to improve the outcomes of their patients.

所以这篇文章最后指出，临床流行病学的教训仅限于学术医师流行病学家，他们有时对分析数据比关心病人更感兴趣。临床流行病学有向临床医师提供改善患者预后所需的工具。

下划线是一个很长的描述性从句，用破折号来过渡解决。

Finally, clinical epidemiology is not limited to academic physician-epidemiologists——who are sometimes more interested in analyzing data than caring for patients——but provides clinicians with the tools to improve their patients’ Outcomes.

上面的句子更平滑更有效的传递了信息。

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3.3 Parallelism

用平行结构写句子。

• Pairs of ideas joined by “and”, “or”, or “but” should be written in parallel form.

  这意味着 “and”，“or” 和 “或” 两侧的观点部分必须遵循相同的语法结构。

Eg:

The velocity decreased by $50 %$ but the pressure decreased by only $10 %$.

SVX but SVX

老师力荐了一本书：Mimi Zeiger, Essentials of Writing Biomedical Research Papers, McGraw-Hill。说这是一本很好的资料，专门针对科学写作。

Eg：

We aimed to increase the resolution and to improve picture quality.

Infinitive phrase and infinitive phrase.

• Lists of ideas should be written in parallel form.

  观点列表也需要以并行形式编写。

Unparallel:

Locusts denuded fields in Utah, rural Iowa was washed away by torrents, and in Arizona the cotton was shriveled by the placing heat.

Parallel:

Locusts denuded fields in Utah, torrents washed away rural Iowa, and blazing heat shriveled Arizona’s cotton.

From: Strunk and White. The Elements of Style

• Make a choice and stick to it!

  选择好了以后就一定要坚持使用下去！

Parallel example:

NASA’s intrepid Mars rover, Curiosity, has been through a lot in the past year. It flew 354 million miles, blasted through the Mars atmosphere, deployed a supersonic parachute, unfurled a giant sky crane, and touched down gently on the surface of Mars.

Citation: Jenny Marder. “Mars Curiosity Rover Gets ‘Brain Transplant,’ Prepares for Mountain Trek”, pbs.org

Eg：

Not Parallel:

If you want to be a good doctor, you must study hard, critically think about the medical literature, and you should be a good listener.

Parallel:

If you want to be a good doctor you must study hard, listen well, and think critically about the $^{*}$ medical literature. (imperative, imperative, imperative)

Parallel:

If you want to be a good doctor, you must be a good student, a good listener, and a critical thinker about the medical literature. (noun, noun, noun)

Eg：

Not Parallel:

This research follows four distinct phases: (1) establishing measurement instruments (2) pattern measurement (3) developing interventions and (4) the dissemination of successful interventions to other settings and institutions.

Parallel:

This research follows four distinct phases: (1) establishing measurement instruments (2) measuring patterns (3) developing interventions and (4) disseminating successful interventions to other settings and institutions.

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3.4 Paragraphs

Paragraph-level tips

• 1 Paragraph = 1 idea

  把“段落”看作是你手稿的基本组成单位，每一段应该包含一个重要思想。当你整理手稿的时候，你应该分段思考。科学家们常常试图把太多的想法塞进一个段落中，结果就是些很难读懂的长段落。

  用短段落文字向读者描绘和展现。当你转向一个新的想法时候，你的段落应该是简短的。如果你想像期刊杂志那样学习专业的写作，你可能会发现他们的一个段落中有 2，3，4 或 5 句话。短段落不仅可以更加专注，而且还可以在页面上提供大量的空白空间。要知道读者是喜欢留白的。如果让一个读者看到一个聚到的文本块而没有任何间隔停顿，那真的会很糟糕。作为一个读者的时候，你会发现这样的文章读起来是很乏味，也很难读懂的。在整个页面上，读者面对短段落和页面空白是心情愉悦的。

• Give away the punch line early.

  要早点给出你的核心要点/重点结论。

  科学家通常有自己的想法，他们喜欢呈现细节，数据，支撑数据，还有结论等。科学家就是这样想的。但是当你写东西的时候，建议你反其道而行之。

  首先让读者知道你要进行到哪里去。当他们不知道重点是什么时候，读者是很难先把所有看到的细节删掉的。在新闻界 (journalism)，我们称之为倒金字塔式。你从最重要的一个点开始，通常这是重要的信息，然后你要用支持性的观点逐步开始向下展开。这似乎很像是要提前给出主题句。而这个核心要点的意思是希望每一段都能准确地说明了该段的目的，所以不要极端的走到写主题句的方法上，但是你需要知道你段落的重点在哪里，而且你确实需要尽早把你的读者引向这一点。

• Paragraph flow is helped by:

  • Logical flow of ideas

    就段落流来说，主要是依靠良好的逻辑来使你的段落流畅起来。你的读者应该能够通过你的引导而跟随着你的段落流动，了解到你有条理和合乎逻辑的想法。如果你使用逻辑来阐述，你就不需要给你的读者很多标记和指向。

    想要让你的句子自然地从一个流向下一个的话，不放参考下面的方法：

    logical flow of ideas:

    • Sequential in time (avoid the Memento (记忆碎片) approach!)

      通常按照时间顺序进行。这是可预测的并且易于理解的。

    • General $\rightarrow$ specific (take-home message first!)

      从宏观抽象到微观具体的顺序。

    • Logical arguments (if a then b ; a; therefore b​)

      也可以考虑形式逻辑参数的顺序来组织提出的逻辑论点。

  • parallel sentence structures

    也可以使用平行句子结构来帮助实现段落流。一种策略就是给相邻的句子一个匹配结构。

  • if necessary, transition words

    不要依赖过渡词。有些科学家总是会过渡使用过渡词，有时是用一个过渡词来开始每个句子，也会把过渡词当做拐杖来弥补他们有缺陷的逻辑。这是不管用的。要知道过渡词并没有强大到可以修复根本不合理的逻辑。 另外，不要对你的过渡词太陌生，你会注意到很多专业人士都非常爱写 “but”这个过渡词。这其实是一个很好的方式企图去“换挡”。你并不需要太花哨的词语，或者另一方面，就使用 “but” 就好。

    Sainani 老师讲她倾向于只用两个过渡词：

    • “but”：为了向读者表明我正在切换模式；
    • “and”：表明我正在填充一些附加信息。

• Your reader remembers the first sentence and the last sentence best. Make the last sentence memorable. Emphasis at the end!

  记住你的读者会记住你的第一句和最后一句。所以，如果你想让这些句子令人难忘，那么你就要对最后一句要强调的话多费点心才行，这样可以让整个段落出彩。

Good example

(From Wired)

This kind of progress hasn’t happended on its own. It happened because people organized and voted for better prospects; because leaders enacted smart, forward-looking policies; because people’s perspectives opened up, and with them, societies did too. But this progress also happened because we scienced the heck out of our challenges. Science is how we were able to combat acid rain and the AIDS epidemic. Technology is what allowed us to communicate across oceans and empathize with one another when a wall came down in Berlin or a TV personality came out. Without Norman Borlaug’s wheat, we could not feed the world’s hungry. Without Grace Hopper’s code, we might still be analyzing data with pencil and paper.

• 过渡词 But 开始转换模式，引出了此段的主要观点 (下划线)。整体段落流畅，不依赖过渡词。
• 总体上非常流畅，从一般到具体引出。（世界进步的一般原因->一个特殊的原因：科学）
• 斜体部分是非常棒的两组平行/并行结构，非常优雅。

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3.5 Paragraphs Editing I

Example:

Most scents remain constant in their quality over orders of magnitude of concentration (12). Nevertheless, at high concentrations, quality tends to be negatively correlated with intensity, as was the case, for example, for the cinnamon oil used in this study. Hence, reliability of absolute scorings was achieved by calibrating the amount of perfume ingredients with initial ratings for intensity against a reference substance of known concentration. The final concentrations were in principal chosen in a way such that individual ratings showed variance among participants within the sliding scale between 0 and 10 (meaning that people could decide whether they liked a scent or not). This procedure seemed successful for most scents; however, the concentrations for bergamot (highest average ratings) and vetiver (lowest average rating) could probably been reduced even more, as both scents did not show any discriminating power at the level of common alleles (people agreed largely on the quality of these two scents) (see Table 2 ). Interestingly, the pooled rare alleles showed discriminating power for…

Word count: 212

• 注意到所有以过渡词 (Nevertheless, Hence, however, Interestingly) 开头的句子。似乎是一直在告诉读者你要引导读者去何处，这通常表示底层逻辑有问题。

• 拼写错误：in principal 应该是 in principle。

• 下划线的括号内容是很有趣的，简单明了。

• What’s the paragraph trying to convey? (outline)…

  1. Were the perfume concentrations in the experiment appropriate? (Main idea of the paragraph)

     A. If the concentration is too high, the smell may be too overpowering and this may affect quality ratings.

     • This is not a problem here because we standardized intensity.

     B. The concentrations are appropriate if they produce sufficient variability in quality ratings.

     • This appeared true for most scents, with two exceptions.

我们要去除所有那些分散关键点的杂乱句子，只需要了解上面的要点。

Perfume intensity and quality are negatively correlated at high concentrations: If the scent is too strong, people will rate it unfavorably. Hence, we chose the final concentration of each perfume ingredient so that it had similar intensity to a reference scent (1butanol). The resulting concentrations appeared appropriate for most scents, as participants’ preferences varied along the sliding scale between 0 and $10 .$ However, participants largely agreed on bergamot (highest average ratings) and vetiver (lowest average rating), so lower or higher concentrations may have been needed for these scents.

Word count: 91

香水浓度和质量在高浓度时呈负相关。如果气味太浓，人们会认为它不好喝。因此，我们选择了每种香水成分的最终浓度，它的强度与参考气味相似。产生的浓度似乎适合大多数气味，当参与者的偏好在 0 到 10 之间的滑动范围弄变化时。然而，参与者基本同意佛手柑和香根草，所以这些气味可能需要更低或更高的浓度。

Example (略)

Although the methodological approaches are similar, the questions posed in classic epidemiology and clinical epidemiology are different. In classic epidemiology, epidemiologists pose a question about the etiology of a disease in a population of people. Causal associations are important to identify because, if the causal factor identified can be manipulated or modified, prevention of disease is possible. On the other hand, in clinical epidemiology, clinicians pose a question about the prognosis of a disease in a population of patients. Prognosis can be regarded as a set of outcomes and their associated probabilities following the occurrence of some defining event or diagnosis that can be a symptom, sign, test result or disease.

Word count: 111

• What’s the paragraph trying to convey? (outline)…

  1. Classic and clinical epidemiology differ (Main idea of the paragraph)

     A. Classic epidemiology is about disease etiology and preventing disease

     • Etiology is about this.

     (Supporting ideas $\rightarrow$ specifies of how they differ)

     B. Clinical epidemiology is about improving prognosis.

     • Prognosis is about this.

     (Sub-supporting ideas $\rightarrow$ definitions)

Despite methodologic similarities, classic epidemiology and clinical epidemiology differ in aim. Classic epidemiologists pose a question about the etiology of disease in a population of people; etiologic factors can be manipulated to prevent disease. Clinical epidemiologists pose a question about the prognosis of a disease in a population of patients; prognosis is the probability that an event or diagnosis will result in a particular outcome.

Word count: 65

尽管在方法上很相似，经典流行病学和临床流行病学的目的不同。经典的流行病学家提出了一个关于病因的问题在这里的人群中。病因可以被控制以预防疾病。临床流行病学家提出一个关于疾病预后的问题在一个病人群体中。人后我会改变预后的定义。预后是指事件或诊断将导致特定的结果的概率

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3.6 Paragraphs Editing II

Example (略)

The concept of chocolate having potential therapeutic benefits for people with diabetes mellitus, especially type 2 diabetes mellitus, presents a number of intellectual challenges, from both clinical and sociological perspectives. It seems almost counterintuitive to suggest an energy-dense food that is high in sugar, and often seen as a treat or a “dietary $\sin ^{\prime \prime}$, could offer such promise. However, a large volume of mechanistic and animal model studies has been undertaken demonstrating the potential benefits of cocoa and chocolate for both glucose regulation and modification of complications associated with diabetes. Cesar Fraga in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition first proposed the potential of chocolate for people with diabetes in $2005 .$ It was suggested that we should consume more cocoa and chocolate to reduce the burdens of hypertension and diabetes. (1) Grassi and colleagues (2) further reinforced this potential for its antihypertensive and insulin-sensitizing effect with the mechanistic data. However, the hypothesis of chocolate having a beneficial effect remains counterintuitive to the average consumer and has yet to gain support among the wider medical and healthcare community.

Word count: 177

Many mechanistic and animal studies suggest health benefits for cocoa and chocolate, particularly for patients with hypertension and type 2 diabetes mellitus. These studies suggest that cocoa and chocolate can lower blood pressure, improve glucose regulation, improve insulin sensitivity, and reduce complications from diabetes. But the idea of chocolate as medicine has yet to gain widespread support among consumers or among the wider medical and healthcare community. It seems counterintuitive that a high-sugar, energy-dense food-one often seen as a treat or “dietary sin” could promote health.

Word count: 87

Example (略)

Headache is an extraordinarily common pain symptom that virtually everyone experiences at one time or another. As a pain symptom, headaches have many causes. The full range of these causes were categorized by the International Headache Society (IHS) in 1988 . The IHS distinguishes two broad groups of headache disorders: primary headache disorders and secondary headache disorders. Secondary headache disorders are a consequence of an underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic infection or a head injury. In primary headache disorders, the headache disorder is the fundamental problem; it is not symptomatic of another cause. The two most common types of primary headache disorders are episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine. Although IHS is the most broadly used/recognized classification system used, a brief comment on others would be appropriate - especially if there are uses that have epidemiologic advantages.

Word count: 139

Headache is a pain symptom that almost everyone experiences. The International Headache Society (IHS) groups headaches into two types based on cause: primary headache disorders and secondary headache disorders. In primary headache disorders, the headache itself is the main complaint. The two most common types of primary headache disorder are episodic tension-type headache (ETTH) and migraine. Secondary headache disorders result from an underlying condition, such as a brain tumor, a systemic infection, or a head injury.

Word count: 76

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3.7 A few more tips: repetition, key words, and acronyms

重复，关键词，首字母缩写词。

A note on repetition…

When you find yourself reaching for the thesaurus to avoid using a word twice within the same sentence or even paragraph, ask:

1. Is the second instance of the word even necessary?

   当你发现自己在为了避免重复而搜寻一个词的同义词库时，这种情况下你可能根本不需要这个词的第二个实例。比方说：Challenges/difficulties, illustrate/demonstrate, teaches clinicians/guides clinicians.

2. If the word is needed, is a synonym really better than just repeating the word?

   有时候你确实需要重复，那就要重复你论文中的任何关键词！比如: names of comparison groups, variables, or instruments….

Needless synonyms!

下面是一些有趣的不必要同义词的例子：

To avoid repetition, writers have needlessly (and amusingly) come up with the following synonyms:

Banana $\rightarrow$ “the elongated yellow fruit”

Beaver $\rightarrow$ “the furry, paddle-tailed mammal”

Mustache $\rightarrow$ “under-nose hair crops”

Milk from a cow $\rightarrow$ “the vitamin-laden liquid” from a “bovine milk factory”

Skis $\rightarrow$ “the beatified barrel staves”

Examples compiled in: “The Press: Elongated Fruit - TIME.” Time. 10 Aua. 1953. Web. 19 Feb. 2012.

For more, see: Henry W. Fowler on “Elegant Variation”: https://www.bartleby.com/116/302.html

Disastrous synonyms!

Whereas it’s just amusing or inelegant in some types of writing, in scientific writing it’s a disaster.

The reader may think you are referring to a different instrument, model, group, variable, etc.

在科学写作中，如果你用同义词替换一个关键词，那不仅好笑，实际上是灾难性的。因为读者会认为你说的是不同的东西。

Acronyms/Initialisms

It’s OK to repeat words. Resist the temptation to abbreviate words simply because they recur frequently! (recall: miR instead of microRNA)

Use only standard acryonyms/initialisms (e.g., RNA). Don’t make them up!

If you must use acronyms, define them separately in the abstract, each table/figure, and the text. For long papers, redefine occasionally (as readers don’t typically read start to finish).

只使用标准的众所周知的缩写词。

Unnecessary acronyms/initialisms

Eg:

Spinal muscle fatigue is common in people with LLA, because decreased spinal muscle endurance and strength has been reported in persons with TFA and TTA with LBP.